Skilfully breaking the fabric of the day-to-day is the cheat code. It’s how you seduce people.

 

When talking to others, I’ve been finding that their most unexpected answers are often the ones I find the most interesting, even if sometimes they don’t answer the question.

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Started thinking about this because of this interaction yesterday:

Girl I was meeting for the 1st time: “How do I know you’re not planning to kidnap me?”

Me: “Not in this economy”

Girl: *stares confused*

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The other day I made a comment that would normally generate a lengthy response in a conversation with someone who has great social skills.

He paused, said Goodbye and smiled in a distinct way.

What would usually be a meaningless interaction has had me thinking about it for weeks.

I think the pause is very important here.

Precisely 2 years ago I wrote an exploratory essay on silence:

https://josemarquezgoncalves.medium.com/an-exploratory-essay-on-silence-b69edc9f1f3d

“How can I possibly explain in words what can only be said in silence?”

Now, thinking about the translation of IRL silence to the online world I reached these distinctions:

- IRL silence: physical/social context + lack of words is the message;

- 0 posting: no message (assuming no irl context);

- Posting blank: “I wanted you to know I’m posting blank”

Posting blank lacks the plausible deniability of real silence. A nuance that makes silence so much fun.

This lead me to reread a great thread by Rival from a few months ago on the game-like-nature of social interactions.

To quote a few particularly interesting sections:

"Every interaction, every move, it's all a bid, it's all a suggestion, it's all a proposal: "Shall we dance this way?". Trying to make it about information is a type error, it doesn't parse, it reads as a counter-proposal, as a lack of an ability to yes-and."

"The goal of Calvinball isn't to "win" the goal is to play. It's an infinite game, proper. You "win" by advancing the game. You advance the game by making a good move. A good move is surprising, insightful, unexpected, delights the audience, delights the players."

"Life is just a big club/bar/improv scene. There's no "winning" there's only making the game better/prettier/more interesting/more complex. *All* interactions *can* be bar interactions."

Key ideas/learnings:

> “Shall we dance this way?”

> “People want to play games”

> “The day to day/truth is boring”

> “Everyone wants to be seduced”

> “A good move is surprising, insightful, unexpected, delights the audience, delights the players.”

> “All interactions can be bar interactions”

I sort of already knew this but was viewing it from a different kind of “game frame”. In August I wrote a thread about how I've always been good at socialising in "fancy settings" - business meetings, galas, professional gatherings, academia events, etc - even though I don't come from a fancy family or environment.

This thread points to the idea of fancy settings being mostly a fake game where everyone is playing a character and people just sort of go along until someone breaks the spell.

Skilfully breaking the fabric of the day-to-day is the cheat code. It’s how you seduce people.

Essentially ending this: