I no longer need to like the things people do to accept them

 

Up until this point - perhaps until a pivotal moment happened (https://docs.google.com/document/d/1nqv9lmWuklFzTVFWtDlh6KC24bPQUqMF-fnORR2GPIA/edit?usp=sharing) - I would need to like the things people do in order to like them as beings. I am now decoupling the two and it feels amazing.

Tangibly, this is what needing to like what people do looks like:

X does something I don't like -> I don't like X

X does something I find stupid -> X is stupid

Inversely:

Y does things I like -> I like Y

Y does things I find great -> Y is great

Decoupling the things people do from who they are might seem trivial, but it has been a real challenge for me, seemingly because so much of my identity has been tied to the things I do for so long. In a way I was only doing the "fair" thing and using the same criteria I used on myself with others.

Lately, with the process of letting go of identities, I've apparently also freed those around me from their identities as "someone who does A".

This is a big deal! Perhaps much bigger than it looks at first sight!

When you judge people by the things they do, you never truly get to know them because all your ideas of him/her have already been conceived prior to them ever getting a chance to speak with you.

By allowing people to present themselves to me before making judgment calls based on their occupation, hobbies, online posts, etc, I am finding lovely human beings in people I would otherwise never interact with.

There are a lot more lovable people in the world than I could have ever anticipated.

(this is a topic for another post, but I'm thinking about it now: I've also been feeling a lot more love for other people than usual. Not sure what is causing this, but deep down I am caring for those around me and becoming genuinely happier to be in their presence than I normally do. This is not love of the romantic kind, but rather some other form of love that I perhaps hadn't truly felt until recently.)

Relevant tweet:

https://twitter.com/jose_goncalves_/status/1577080892774027276